Are you feeling trapped? Here’s a little story for you
I’ve had many moments of my life when I’ve felt trapped.
When I was 25 I couldn’t bear working in a corporate company in London so I packed my bags and ran off to France to do a ski season. I didn’t realise it at the time but I felt like my freedom was stifled and my path was blocked. I was sensitive and empathetic and couldn’t work in a company that I no longer resonated with.
I was longing to be free yet didn’t know what that freedom looked like.
At the time I wanted to work in the wellbeing industry, where my passion lay, but although I searched all summer for new opportunities, I couldn’t get a job. I felt stuck, hopeless and frustrated, so I did something radical. I just left.
But it didn’t exactly work out as planned. At the time, I had contracted ecoli and was very ill in France. I had my last day at work then took a flight the very next day. Back in those days, and even still now, I never gave myself much of a chance to rest or take my time. Then, within 4 weeks, I fractured my leg and couldn’t ski for 2 months.
This was a very low point in my life, I felt like I had nothing and was not only trapped on a ski resort but was physically trapped with crutches. Was this the Universe having a little joke?
Yet when I came back to England I regained my strength and found a job at a fitness company and before I knew it part two of my life in London had begun.
Turning a corner and meeting another obstacle
It was during this job, where I spent almost 4 years, where I burnt out and had to seek help. This led me on the path of Kinesiology which helped me so much that I decided to train to become a practitioner, despite my boyfriend, boss and family having doubts about it, and me.
But here is where the story gets interesting.
When I had my first Kinesiology session it woke something up inside of me, like a light had turned on. It was an epiphany of another way of being, another life I could live, and it radically changed me.
So, I started reading, researching and diving into the world of energy, emotions and everything in between. I discovered all the big authors and their big messages, devouring information and shifting my understanding of myself and the world with every word I read.
And this is where life got sticky.
I knew I couldn’t remain in my job. It was leaching me of joy on a daily basis. I used to sit at my desk from 9am to 7pm and twitch with frustration and impatience. I felt stuck, I didn’t have enough time or energy to figure out how to get out of my situation and, at times, it was a truly hopeless feeling.
It was like I knew there was more inside of me, waiting to come out, but I couldn’t access it and didn’t know how to shift out of this draining and stagnating situation.
Then I stopped searching, I let go and spent the summer falling in love, and when I revisited my search for my next steps in the month of August I had my lightbulb moment: I would train in Kinesiology. It was there all along, staring me in the face yet I had been so intent on my quest for solutions and answers that I hadn’t seen the most obvious one in front of me.
And just like that, life works out. I went to a taster class the very next week and enrolled on the part-time course starting the next month which couldn’t have been easier or more convenient.
That’s how it happens. When we relax and let go, leaning back into the safety and trust of the universe and our own inner guidance system, things drop into our laps without us even trying to find them. And the more we can do this, the more beautiful things can arrive on our doorstep.
What I’ve also realised is that sometimes we need to take our foot off the pedal ever so slightly and realise that while we’re so intent of creating a different life for ourselves, we can’t neglect to live and enjoy to the best of our abilities the one we’re in.
When we let go things have a way of working out
Ok, now it’s time to share another story of how things just arrive when we let go of the stress, frustration and impatience which blocks all the good things from coming.
The chaos of 2020 hit just when I was getting on my feet with Kinesiology, causing a huge change of circumstances involving a move back to live with my parents. The next few years were a bit of a struggle, as they were for most people, and threw my spiritual awakening onto a much more rapid rate of expansion.
Fast-forward to the summer of 2022 and I was seeing clients but not making enough money to live.
I’d had part-time jobs that felt joyless, poorly paid and draining and I’d reached a point where I didn’t want to look for another job but I knew I needed the income. Again, I experienced this trapped feeling of desperation, despair and frustration. I questioned why this journey had been so hard and why nothing was working out for me.
So, one evening I made a choice to just stop looking for another job to support myself. Then and there, in the bath, I made a declaration that I would only focus on Kinesiology and that was that.
Or so I thought, because the very next day, as I was browsing on Facebook, I felt called to visit a friend’s page who had helped me to design my website a few years ago.
It was on that page that I saw she had shared a job posting. So I clicked and there it was; the perfect job. It was remote, it was part-time, it was well-paid and more than that, it was a position in a spiritually-aligned company that shared my beliefs, values and ideals.
I couldn't believe it, it felt like a miracle. And the best thing was, I hadn’t found it, it found me.
I started a few weeks later and from there it was a hugely demanding but rewarding journey that I embarked on that led me to eventually train in the wonderful work that I now offer my clients: Soul Contract Reading, Divine Healing (and soon I will train in Lotus Lightbody energy work).
Of course, when one thing goes well, another thing tends to fall off a cliff.
And the thing that fell spectacularly off my cliff face was my relationship, my home and my treatment room, all in one fell swoop. So, once again I was back at my parents feeling lost, defeated and blind as to how to find my way through this dark period in my life.
I’ve always written that it’s in the darkest moments that the greatest transformations can happen, and this time was probably the most catalytic. I’d never felt so hopeless or afraid of the future as I did at that time. I was told to consider finding a ‘proper job’, move back to London or find work abroad.
Yet I couldn’t do any of these things, I knew there was a way forwards, I trusted in my skills and potential, but I just was so blinded by panic and fear that I couldn’t see it.
Finding the light in the darkness
Ironically, it was writing about these experiences that really pulled me through; feeling rejected, how to love yourself at your lowest, feeling like a failure, and how to transform your life. They helped me to understand the emotions that I was feeling and how to see the silver linings.
And looking back now, I think it was these silver linings that changed my life.
I was also offered, completely out of the blue, the chance to work on a retreat in Portugal for 5 days offering workshops on any topic of my choosing. As I hadn't been abroad in 3 years I lept at the chance, and it was this opportunity that gave me the purpose and drive to reconnect to my passion, my desires and my life.
At the same time, the idea to move to the nearby city of Cambridge hit me very suddenly. It’s a beautiful city, easy to cycle around, full of green spaces, independent shops, cosy cafes, beautiful cathedrals and rivers. It was a no-brainer to move here.
The last hurdle was whether someone would lease a flat to me, and whether I’d be able to afford it. And what do you know, someone did. I decided to accept the support that was offered to me and gratefully step into the next chapter of my life.
It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, life never is, but it’s now been a year to the day that I’ve been living in this wonderful, bright, joyful little part of Cambridge that I call my home. And when I look back at everything that led me here, that led me to you reading this right now, doesn’t it all make sense?
Open yourself to receiving guidance and support
We can’t always see things in the moment, the logic and understanding evades us, but if anything I hope that this post serves as a reminder to if you’re feeling like I felt, and that there is so much hope, potential and light waiting for you.
We just have to move out of our own way and rise up above the fear that threatens to drown us in panic.
The only thing that I wish I’d had at the time would have been someone to guide me and help me see the wood through the trees. Someone to provide the emotional support that would help me come through the other side of my despair and hopelessness so I could begin to reconnect with my power and joy.
If I’d had the spiritual map of my life with a Soul Contract Reading, perhaps I would have seen more clearly why these challenges kept presenting themselves and how to work through the overwhelming obstacles.
Yet, there is such a thing as Divine Timing; everything happens exactly as it’s meant to happen. We are all meant to discover the people that help us, the tools that support us and ways of being that can carry us gracefully through this life at the exact opportune moment.
But what we can do now is to take action and to commit to opening ourselves up to receive the help and support that we all deserve. Then we just need to wait, lean back, and allow it to fall onto our laps.
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