Why Letting Go Is So Hard (And How to Support Yourself Through It)

As humans, there is one consistency in our life, and that is change.

With that change, there is also the unavoidable process that we must all go through, and that is letting go. For we cannot go into the new whilst still holding on to the past.

Yet, it is this letting go process which is perhaps the hardest part of change. Yes, there is the fear of the new and what might happen in the future, yet there is a deep sadness and grief at what we are leaving behind.

Typically, the biggest struggle is staying in the present, where change can feel so ripe and full of possibilities. Instead, we tend to linger in the past, where life feels reassuring, comfortable, and safe. Or we journey too far ahead, leaving our minds wide open to explore all the possible things that could go wrong.

This is our way of escaping the process of change.

When we are leaving something behind in order to go into something new, whether it’s a new job, moving house, a new relationship, a different way of being, or anything in between, it creates a period of uncertainty and chaos in our lives.

Our foundations are not yet stable, and we don’t have the grounding that we usually rely on to keep us centered. It can make life feel unstable, uncertain, and uncomfortable.

Yet, while this is actually a magical period where the new is still taking shape, we tend to lean away from it, clinging onto the tethers of what we’re leaving behind in the hope that it will give us comfort in this chaotic time.

Which is exactly what we’re going to explore in this post. Why is letting go so hard, and what can we do about it to make it feel easier and more graceful? How can we allow ourselves to let go, knowing that everything is going to work out for us?

Well, let’s get into it!

Why letting go is harder for some more than others

For some people, the process of letting go may feel a little harder.

Well, of course. After all, we are all made up of different layers of beliefs, programmes, conditioning, trauma, and imprinting that make us all completely and utterly unique.

While some of us can leave without looking back, others can struggle to let go so easily. One of the reasons for this is the energies in your Soul Contract. There are a few particular energies that find it hard to let go, and those are the 11-2, the 8-8, and the 4-4.

You can find out if you have those numbers in your Soul Contract here, and if you do, perhaps you recognise within yourself a reluctance to be able to move forward so easily, or perhaps a lack of trust that you will be supported once you let go of what you’ve been holding onto.

With these energies, there can be a difficulty in letting go, trusting yourself that you can handle the change, and a belief that everything will work out for you.

One of the biggest parts of letting go is the process of non-attachment

We’ve all heard of the attachment styles in dating - secure, avoidant, or anxious - but our attachment style can extend outside of our relationships. While we can become attached to people, we can also become attached to places, possessions, and ideas in our minds.

Often, the attachment comes from a fear, yet this fear is multi-layered.

There is the fear of letting go and nothing coming to fill its place, creating an energy of scarcity, a lack of trust, and a disconnection from ourselves and the Universe’s power to support us. Within this fear, we don’t believe in Source’s ability to handle the change.

There is also the fear of letting go and the emotional pain that we don’t feel capable of handling being too much.

This is particularly hard for the sensitive and deeply empathetic souls amongst us who have emotional trauma from the past. Within this fear, we don’t believe in our ability to handle the change.

Both of these fears involve a lack of trust, which is why this is the first thing to work on when we find it difficult to let go.

How to let go and learn to trust

We don’t have to leap into trust by making huge decisions that create stress and fear; instead, we can start making teeny-tiny decisions to build up our trust muscle.

This process is all about building a relationship with yourself, not your mind, but your inner knowing that comes from a deep connection with your soul. And building a relationship with the Universe, the divine orchestrator who co-creates our reality together with us.

The second part of building trust is to release any suppressed trauma around emotional abandonment, for this is often the core wound that creates a lack of trust in ourselves and the Universe, for we are one and the same.

As a start, here are some books to inspire you on your journey.

Learning to let go of the past

Another major part of letting go is letting go of our past selves and who we used to be.

We can all be nostalgic for the past, perhaps looking back with rose-tinted glasses at how much easier life was, how much simpler it felt, and how smoothly we seemed to glide through life.

I have often struggled with this wistfulness, looking back on my twenties and how much easier life felt. Yet, this is just my mind glorifying the good and omitting the not-so-good from my memory. I used to think about how much fitter I was, how much travelling I did, and how little I cared about the world around me and what was really going on under the surface.

It sounds superficial, and to an extent, it was. Yet, when we’re at our lowest ebb, as I truly was in 2021, this is what we cling to. I wished I could go back to the simplicity of life before my awakening to the truth of my reality, which created such anger, grief, and fear.

Now, the wistfulness is no longer there, and I can clearly see the reality of my life then and my life now, and the truth is that there is no comparison needed. The past is the past, and the present is the present.

When we let go of this comparison, we can free ourselves from the past. But more than that, we can discover a deep gratitude for all of our past experiences and how they led us to this beautiful moment right now.

Letting go of the past frees us for the future

If I had clung onto what I knew to be safe, I would have never taken the part-time role that led me to train in the beautiful therapies that I now offer. I wouldn’t have left that unhealthy relationship, moved back in with my parents, and then back out again to a city on my own.

I wouldn’t have let go of the stress of the covid years and the anger and grief that blinded me to joy, and allowed myself to dance and meet a whole new community of people, which eventually led to me meeting the love of my life.

Glorifying who we used to be completely blocks us from who we could become. So, how can we gently and lovingly let go of our past selves? The first thing we need to do is find out what they hold for us that we are seeking now.

I don’t want to be my 27-year-old self again, but I do want to be the person that used to travel. I don’t want to be my 20-year-old self again, but I do want to be as fit and healthy as she was. I don’t want to be my 13-year-old self again, but I do want to give myself the time to read and play as she used to do.

If you’re stuck in comparison with a past version of who you used to be, ask yourself what it actually is that you desire, and then realise the obstacles the mind is placing in front of you (such as self-sabotage, procrastination or comparison) to make you believe that you can’t fulfil that desire now.

Letting go of people, relationships and friendships

The last part of letting go, which can feel particularly hard, is around our relationships.

We get attached to the past, attached to ideas, and attached to the way things are, yet we also get attached to people.

We are all here on Earth to experience earthly living and everything that comes along with it. We are Source experiencing itself in physical form, which is not something we’re used to and not something that we’re aware of. We all feel disconnected, yet the truth is we are all connected in a web of life, light, and energy.

Part of this earthly life is about experiencing what it means to be human - especially our emotions and our relationships with other people.

Many of us reading this are lightworkers or lightbringers, who are here on Earth at this time of huge transition and change, to bring light, love, healing, and awareness to the world, first through ourselves and then out into reality.

We are not special, different, or better; we are just here to fulfil the role of helping humanity out of the darkness. And it’s not always an easy role. Whilst there is deep beauty, there can also be deep hardship.

Finding our home on earth

A huge part of this is the feeling that we want to go home and that we don’t quite fit in here.

There is a deep sense of not belonging, of feeling uncomfortable in this physical reality, and a loneliness of not being surrounded by like-minded souls. We can often struggle with our self-worth and need a lot of healing to remove anything that is blocking our light from shining.

This can make relationships hard, especially due to this feeling of not quite fitting in or knowing our role in society - where we are meant to be and who feels safe for us to be our true selves around.

Part of earthly life is the relationships we make. For some of us, in this process of change, awakening, healing, and growth, those relationships will change at a rapid pace. We may not feel ready for it, yet we cannot hold onto those relationships that no longer serve us on our path forward.

It may be a friend who we just don’t have anything in common with anymore, a relationship where our partner is not doing the inner work or supporting us on our own healing journey, or it may be the family member who actively tries to hold us back in our growth, playing out their role as an agent of the matrix to stop us awakening to the truth of our reality.

It can feel deeply painful when people choose to let us go from their lives, yet it can be equally painful when we let people go.

Letting go of relationships that no longer align with who we are becoming

I have let go of many relationships, mainly friendships, that don’t bring me joy in my life.

The most important thing for me is that I can be my 100% self around someone, and if I can’t do that, then I tend to gently let that friendship go.

Some may think that it’s harsh or unfair, yet I am not someone who wants to spend time having meaningless conversations or meaningless meet-ups to fill in my time. My life is filled to bursting with energy and momentum, and at this specific point in time, I am not willing to sacrifice that in order to obey the rules of society - that I must have a large group of friends and see them regularly in order to be ‘normal’.

Instead, I have a tiny handful of special friends, and I know that I will have many more throughout my life.

Nothing is static, and change is constant. Do not be afraid to let people go who you do not feel you can be yourself with. You owe it to yourself to spend your energy with people who leave you brimming with joy, love, and confidence.

And, if you're someone who has been let go by someone, allow this and honour that person’s wishes. Wish them well on their journey and wish them love and happiness.

Lean into the knowing that the people who are meant to find you will always find you, as long as you stay open and receptive to them.

And if there is a relationship that is no longer, allow yourself to grieve, then gently close the chapter of that book, pick up your pen, and open it to the next chapter - blank and full of exciting possibilities, adventures, and opportunities.

If you’d like support and guidance on your spiritual journey, you may like to explore my monthly group healing membership Your Authentic Soul, or sign up to my newsletter to stay in touch for more similar posts.

---

Carry on exploring