I’m on the edge of burnout (and this is why)
I’ve suddenly become allergic to my phone.
I feel drained by continuously typing in the tiny keyboard, misspelling, correcting, editing, and checking before sending a single message.
I feel frazzled by remembering who I still have to reply to on text, WhatsApp, Instagram, email and Facebook messenger, and I feel exhausted at the thought of having to reply to people on a constant basis.
I’m not normally this bad, my phone and I have our moments but we normally get along. Yet recently, my phone has been the thing that has tipped me over the edge.
You know the phrase ‘stressed to the eyeballs’? That’s what I have, quite literally. My eyes go first, itching like mad, then my nose starts sneezing and streaming, then my sanity goes as I hoover through boxes of tissues ad stare at my red-eyed reflection.
Understanding myself on a deeper level
This stress response is not a suprise, it comes and goes at different points in my life.
Yet, unlike all the times before when the overwhelm has bowled me over with its intensity, I have a new level of knowledge about myself and why it’s there.
I recently trained in soul contract reading, which involves understanding the energies that flow through your lifetime; in particular the karma that we are here to work through, the talents that we have within us that have sometimes yet to emerge, and the goals of what we’re really here to do.
It’s like a key to a door that reveals the truth of who you are and why you’re here. It shows us the hidden secrets of our soul.
As many of us do, I’ve often struggled in certain areas of my life without really understanding why, but when I studied the numbers in my chart, I began to understand myself on a level that gave me so many answers.
I always knew I was a sensitive little soul but not to the extent that the main karma I have to work through in this lifetime is sensitivity, which explains so much.
It explains why I can’t spend lots of time with people, why I like being alone, why crowded areas feel intense, why I can’t stay up late, why I feel so frazzled so easily, why I don’t like hanging out with people for too long, why I sense the ick around people, why I prefer animals to humans and why nature feels like home.
I’m sensitive, so no wonder my phone and I have reached such an impasse.
Boundaries, resentment and anger
Boundaries are also a huge karmic issue for me, as they are for many of us.
It’s only when I feel the anger building up that I know my boundaries have been breached. Yet, while anger is a warning bell that something isn’t right, the warning bells are often silently ringing within us much sooner, we just don’t hear them.
Often, before the fire of anger erupts, there is a slow burn of resentment kindling within us that often goes unnoticed, but it is there and burning quietly away, fed by all the little things that are making us feel invalidated, taken advantage of or walked over.
If you feel resentment in your life, it is a sure-fire sign of where your boundaries aren’t in place, where energy is leaking out of you and where you’re over-giving.
We often over-give; our time, our energy, our love, our skills, because we want to be seen as ‘nice people’. We don’t want to be judged, we don’t want to be disliked and we certainly don’t want people to think what we think about ourselves deep down; that we’re not good enough.
This is the dirty little secret and the core wound within me, within us all, and it’s one that is the driving force behind so many unconscious behaviours in our lives.
I know I give a lot to others, especially in terms of emotional support, which can lead to me feeling drained, resentful and completely spent, which is why boundaries are so damn important.
How unworthiness drives us
The other super fun part of my chart that helps me understand why overwhelm and I are the best of friends is because I have two sets of numbers in my chart that want me to continually expand, and I mean, continually learn, grow, challenge and expand.
Unfortunately, this drive to expand is accompanied by a lovely sense of unworthiness which gives me an extra push to constantly go-go-go. Perfectionists, workaholics and busy people are nearly always driven by a deep sense of unworthiness.
We hate it but we also secretly relish in it “oo look at us, look at how busy we are”. It’s a source of smugness and pride that our ego relishes in.
So, this combination of passion, expansion and the driving force of unworthiness is why there’s so much I want to do that I just burn myself out trying to do it all. What also adds to this melting pot of pressure is my inability to find balance in my life.
This is a huge karmic sore point for me; the inability to give my physical self as much nourishment as I give my emotional and spiritual self.
This inability to find balance, coupled with this desire to grow and expand, often leads to a neglect of my physical body, in the form of not enough rest, nurturing and love, which is why burnout and exhaustion are always hovering in the background.
Combined with that super sensitive energy I have that feels it all, it’s not such a pretty picture when it gets too much for me to handle.
Letting go and leaning back
It’s amazing to realise that everything I’ve loved writing about these past few years is so closely related to the numbers in my soul contract; boundaries, energy vampires and overwhelm being the constant themes.
It also helps to explain why my phone and I are just not getting on.
I’m stretching myself so thin, wanting to continuously reach upwards and outwards with ambitions, plans and goals that I’m reaching a point of exhaustion and burnout where the smallest things, such as messages on my phone, can overwhelm me and stress me out.
There’s only so many plates we can spin before we spin out of control. My greatest learning, and this is for anyone who resonates with these themes in their life too, is to let go and lean back.
The push and strive mentality of ‘work hard to get more’ is so deeply ingrained within us that it can be hard to let go of the tentacles of that conditioning that wind themselves around us and tie us up in knots of frustration, stress and illness.
Yet we must. It’s not about doing less to achieve more; it’s about doing less because this is often the most loving thing we can do for ourselves. It’s also a choice rooted in trust that everything is working out for us and faith in that which we cannot yet see.
So, here’s my advice to myself; put the plates down, take a rest and turn your phone off, which is exactly what I’m going to do.
If you’re ready to dive into your Soul Contract, you can book a live Reading with me or buy a Mini Soul Contract Reading for £34. And if you’re curious, you can download your chart for free at soulcontractreader.com.
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