Is resentment a thorn in your side (and are you ready to pull it out)?
Resentment is a pretty heavy energy, and I know this because it’s something that I’ve been holding onto for far too long.
Life is like a battle between the ego's desire for safety, survival, and control, and the soul's yearning to awaken to love. The soul seeks to evolve into a state of consciousness where the ego becomes unnecessary.
And it’s precisely on this journey, so many of you reading this are probably on, where we experience our ego fighting to regain control and keep us limited, unconscious, and safe
Resentment is one of those emotions that lies buried very deep inside all of us, so you know that you’re getting somewhere on your journey to full consciousness when you start to awaken the sleeping beast and hear it roar.
Which is precisely why I’m writing this article.
I’ve had a hungry monster inside of me, that some might call my shadow, rearing its head and causing a huge amount of emotional disturbance in my life. It has been a thorn in my side that I’m only just starting to become conscious of.
The shadow energies that live in all of us
Most of us have an Achilles heel in our life, something that feels like a consistent weakness.
In our bodies it’s usually something that we are always injuring or have problems with, and it’s no different in our psyche. We all have an emotion that is our constant companion. For some it’s deep-seated grief, for others it’s a low-lying anger, and for me it’s a grumbling resentment.
I’ll be very honest here, my resentment isn’t pretty. It’s like a whiny, demanding child crying alligator tears and lamenting how unfair life is and how good things always happen to other people. It’s a resentment deeply rooted in a place of lack and a fear of being unworthy and undeserving, which are two of the core wounds most of us have.
I never feel like I have enough, and that makes me cling to what I do have, afraid that nothing else will come. Although I am conscious that I live in a lack mentality, I am unconsciously locked into this rigid programming that feels impossible to escape from.
We all either live in fear or faith, in an abundant and grateful mindset or in a mindset of lack and limitation. It’s like we can never see the good in our lives and what’s more, we feel totally undeserving of it and self-sabotage it by not recognising it.
This keeps us locked into a cycle of resentment that can be very hard to break.
And this is nothing new. The majority of us operate in life with limited awareness of why we are the way we are, and we don’t care to investigate or dig deeper.
The subconscious drivers that rule our lives
We have these subconscious drivers controlling over ninety percent of our thoughts, words and actions, yet we are entirely unaware of them and don’t want to engage with the work of clearing them.
Which is totally understandable because it can feel like work; work that throws you on an emotional rollercoaster that disrupts and changes every area of your life. And, as I’ve said many times before, none of us like change. In fact, most of us will do absolutely anything to avoid it.
Yet, when we start to do the deep healing work that allows us to go into the depths of ourselves and awaken to the power and creator energies within us, we start to become aware of these shadow energies that have been slumbering in the background for so long.
They are nothing to be scared of, they are just deeply-engrained ego programmes that want to be seen, heard and validated.
Yet, for the most part, we don’t do that, we just numb them out, ignore them and hope that they go away. And these shadow emotional wounds, such as resentment, don’t disappear they just tunnel deeper within us, like a thorn in our side, until we dive into that tunnel and start to pull them out.
And this is why resentment has been building and building within me, inviting me to go in there, into this journey of initiation and pull the damn thing out. My resistance has been sky-high because after all, who are we without our wounds, yet I don’t really have a choice if I want to move forwards in my life.
And this is the very thing that creates such beautiful and transformative shifts in our life; embracing the journey.
Clearing the wounds that trigger our shadow
So, what am I resentful about? Well, the list is long but I’ll keep it brief.
At the core of my resentment, I don’t believe I have enough, I feel others have more than me and it all feels terribly unfair. As I said earlier, it’s like a whiny child and it’s not a pretty picture that I paint.
I see people around me having wonderful things, doing wonderful things, and I feel resentful, invalidated, stuck in comparison and alone in my suffering. It’s such a cage and it’s a cage made entirely of my own making.
I have so many utterly beautiful, amazing and wonderful things in my life to be truly grateful for but the resentment blocks this recognition and keeps me blinkered and blind.
And, as we know, the vibrational frequency we emit from our thoughts, words and actions, is precisely what creates our physical 3D reality. So, the more I simmer with resentment, the more the Universe serves a platter of life experiences that reinforce my belief that I don’t have enough, that brings about even more resentment.
As I said earlier, it’s a rigid cycle to be locked into and it’s entirely of my own choosing. I look at people around me and I don’t see anything but the lack within my own life being reflected back at me.
Resentment truly makes you blind, not only to your own wonders in your life, but to the wonders of others.
Yet, this is where we really need to engage with the heart of our shadow. It’s not about others, they are just mirroring things back to us and showing us how these triggering wounds have still to be cleared.
We have to read between the lines.
Learning to let go and come back to love
Resentment is about feeling disconnected from God’s/the Universe's abundance, and what’s more, feeling completely undeserving of being in the flow of abundance in the first place. It’s a big, painful thorn of self-worth, dressed up in a lack and limiting mindset.
It’s no good trying to work on the shadow with pretty affirmations claiming that “I am worthy of abundance”, this needs a far deeper approach. This is all about looking in the mirror and actively choosing to let this resentment go, which is hard and painful.
It’s like telling an addict to throw their heroin away. We become so attached to our stories of who we are and why we are, that it can feel unbearably painful to let them go.
The ego is scared that without this identity we will just disappear. Which is exactly what happens. But we don’t disappear into nothing, we disappear back into love.
Back into the currents that we were always a part of, but that we forgot, preferring to choose to lay gasping on the banks of the river, rather than dropping into the currents of trust where we fully surrender our control back to Source.
When we lovingly tease these thorns out of our sides, we are making a conscious choice to trust and hand over control back to love, which is the ego’s worst nightmare. It wants to stay in control, even if that means blocking the flow of abundance through this heavy resentful and judgemental energies.
Letting go can be a painful process that takes time, love, energy and commitment, yet it can be done when we have the help to let go, which is exactly what I do for myself with Divine Healing, and for others.
If something shadowy and painful is repeatedly coming up for us, it’s a sign that not only are we ready to face it full on and make peace with this part of ourselves, but we are also fully capable of clearing it and we have all that we need to do so.
We never take on what we can’t handle.
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