Introvert, extrovert or ambivert?
I generally don’t like labels.
Labels are a way of fitting ourselves into a box, categorising ourselves so we’re easy to describe. In a way this is a good thing, it helps us to understand ourselves further and feeds us clues as to what drives us and why we are the way we are.
On the other hand, labels can be so simplistic and broad, when in reality, our individual nature is so vastly intricate and complex.
We can also use labels to feed our ego’s desire for an external identity. It’s why I don’t call myself a writer, I just write. That way, my sense of self isn’t tied to the label I attach to myself.
Rejecting labels also means that I am less easily able to be categorised. I am my own enigma. As my favourite writer once told me; if you need an advertisement for who you are inside, you don’t know who you are on the inside.
So yeah, labels are a grey area for me.
What about the ambivert?
However, there is a label that’s come to my attention that I want to explore.
We’ve all heard the terms extrovert and introvert, but who’s heard of ambivert, the supposedly in-between personna that sits in the middle?
I recently wrote a post all about how and why we mask our emotions and the consequences. One of which was how incredibly drained and exhausted we can feel when we wear a mask in our social and professional lives, that hides our true emotional state.
The effort of smiling, talking and being ‘on form’ can be overwhelming when we don’t feel that way on the inside. We fake it to live up to our role expectations, to please others and to fit in.
This is something I experience all the time in social situations. Even if it’s just meeting up with a friend for a few hours, I can feel like my batteries are empty afterwards and often develop a headache and nausea.
I thought this was because I was masking my emotions and the effort was too much, but perhaps it was because I’m acutally secretely ambivert in nature.
Somewhere between an introvert and extrovert
I don’t class myself as an introvert as I am good in social situations, but I certainly don’t put myself into the introvert category.
It’s a confusing place to live and I often make the mistake of saying yes to social engagements thinking I can handle it, then find it exhausting. Or I spend time on my own and worry that I need to be more social rather than enjoying this precious time to just enjoy my own company.
Apparently, indecisiveness is a common side effect of this ambivert nature. No wonder; we have no idea what drains us and what energises us, we slide from one end of the intro/extrovert scale to another, getting lost along the way.
When talking about this spectrum we need to talk about energy; where we get our energy from and where we lose energy. Traditionally, introverts gain energy from being alone and extroverts gain energy from being with people, but what about ambiverts?
What about the people like me who can put on a show but at great cost? Maybe we’re not in the middle of the scale. Perhaps, we’re really introverts who override our true nature by projecting a false extrovert nature outwards.
Are ambiverts secretly introverts?
In this world, it is extroverts; those confident speakers, the actors on stage, the ones in front of the camera, the managers, the bosses and entrepreneurs, who are all leading the field of apparent ‘success’.
No wonder. This world teaches you from a young age that to be successful, you must be extroverted.
We’re told we need to show ourselves online, be available 24/7, network and push ourselves onto people to get anywhere in life. And don’t even get me started on the role social media plays.
It’s an exhausting way to live for introverts hiding behind that extrovert mask.
Similarly, there is a culture that reinforces the idea that we need to have lots of friends and move around in packs of friendship groups to be fulfilled and happy (I blame all those sitcoms).
This is the unspoken and unseen pressure which sits on the shoulders of those introverts playing at being extroverts, trying to express themselves outwards when they really want to be folding inwards.
How to survive on the spectrum
Wherever you are on the spectrum of extrovert, ambivert and introvert, I’d avoid using labels.
Labels restrict you without you being aware. You are far more free when you leave the labels alone and honour your true nature which is far more magical than a label can describe.
Trusting your intuition is an incredibly vital skill that is well worth nurturing. It is your intuition, your soul whispering in your ear, that will tell you what path to follow. Respect the choice that will nurture you rather than please others.
There is always a fine line but when you slip into saying yes and pulling on your own energy reserves, you have less to give to others, less to give to yourself and less to give to the world. So make your choices wisely.
Just making a choice, rather than wallowing in that awful place of indecision and ‘what if’ scenarios will restore a sense of control and power back into your palm.
Getting it wrong is absolutely ok
Alongside honouring your gut feelings, freeing yourself from the judgement of others is equally important.
As someone once said ‘what an interesting little prison we build from the invisible bricks of other people’s opinion’. It is often a fear of what others will think of us that keeps us toeing the lie and fulfilling the expectations of others.
Letting go of expectations also means letting go of the pressure we put on our own shoulders to be a certain person or fulfil a certain role that the world perceives as successful.
Also, be gentle.
We don’t always get it right, we make the wrong choices, we fuck up, we disappoint people and we definitely disappoint ourselves. It’s all a learning curve. Most likely, that thing we did or didn’t go to won’t matter in a month.
It’s ok to be figuring it out as we go along. Life isn’t supposed to be smooth sailing, where would be the fun in that? We wouldn’t get anywhere without the wind to guide us along.
Getting it wrong is ok and once we accept this, we can relax.
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