How to stay in your own lane (and avoid comparison)
We live in a world where it is impossible not to witness the achievements of those around us and find ourselves lacking.
To avoid straying into comparison we have to have a mind of steel not to let this impact our confidence. Yet, it is all too easy to look to the left and right of our lane and see what others are doing seemingly better than us.
It’s when we compare ourselves to others, whether it’s to strangers, colleagues, family members or peers, that our self-worth diminishes.
Yet, comparison is deeply-rooted in our human nature. As humankind evolved, we became hardwired to look for potential threats, as well as opportunities, amongst our neighbours, and we continue this behaviour nowadays without even knowing we’re doing it.
When we’re unaware that we’re in a mindset of comparison, it can be a dangerous thing. When left unattended, this comparison can fester and grow into something untameable and wild, eroding our confidence and damaging our self-esteem.
It is only when we uproot it that we can see clearly, without the debris of lack and discouragement blocking our sight, and in this article, I’m going to show you how.
Comparison feeds a sense of lack
Comparison is like a thief in the night. It nips in and steals our joy without us evening noticing it’s happened.
One of the main reasons why it’s so easy to let this thief in is that we live in such a transparent world. Everything is on display for everyone to see. All of the time. We can’t help but notice what’s around us and who’s doing what, on a constant basis.
While social media and the internet have created beautiful opportunities for sharing knowledge, wisdom and creativity, they have also created pitfalls for our delicate human nature to fall into.
In particular, our ego, which resides in lack, thrives in this environment. It sees the success of others and laments its own lack of achievement. It notices abundant opportunities to drag us into comparison with those around us, feeding our its core belief of lack.
Ego creates a cage through comparison, looking at the vastness of what others have created and believing that there’s not enough to go around, especially not for us.
Yet, this is where the ego gets it so wrong. There is plenty out there, for everyone. We need to banish the thinking that one person’s success means less for us. The world is an ocean of limitless supply and abundance.
We only need to remember that lack is a construct driven from our ego, and what has been done for one, can be done for all. The well of opportunity is open to all and never runs dry.
How to stay in your own lane
The result of falling into a state of comparison is a shrunken sense of self-worth. Rather than noticing all the good in our lives, comparison forces us to shine our spotlight on what’s missing, slowly eroding our confidence.
Instead of trusting that one day we might achieve what we are destined to, we fall into fear that we’ll never be good enough. We look at the achievements of others and lament that we’ll never reach those heights.
Comparison is almost like a sadness that dampens and smothers the fire in our soul. It pulls us away from our destiny, distracting us from our purpose and jerking us out of alignment with our own journey.
So, how can we stay in our own lane when the lanes surrounding us feel taunting and teasing? How can we stay focused in our own pursuit of pleasure and potentiality when the noise and distraction around us feels unbearably loud?
What comparison can teach us
Firstly, how can we use comparison to our advantage and understand what it might be teaching us?
Every person on this planet is a unique expression of creation. No one person is alike. When you look at others; how they’re living, what they’re creating and what they’re doing with their lives, you need to remember that all of that is their own unique self-expression.
You have your own too. You just need to find it and be patient in your journey to get there.
However, if you’re comparing your life and wishing it was different, perhaps it’s a sign that something isn’t right in your life. Maybe there’s something that is calling out for you to recognise? Perhaps there’s a feeling of unfulfillment that you just can’t put your finger on?
The act of comparison can serve as a powerful indicator that you’re ready for change. The problem is, comparison is passive. What you really need to inspire momentum for change, is action.
So, here’s my advice. Use comparison as the trigger for action. Notice who you’re comparing yourself to. Look for the signs and clues. Notice what kind of lifestyles you’re drawn to and find out what it is that appeals so greatly.
Turn the negative act of comparison into a positive movement for inspiration and change.
Remembering your unique self-expression
When we slide into comparison, we only see how much we’re lacking. This is why, in order to protect our sense of self-worth, we need to remember our unique strengths and gifts.
As I mentioned, we are all beautiful, unique sparks of consciousness. What we each bring to this world is completely and utterly different to any person that has come before or will come after us.
What one artist creates, another artist cannot hope to recreate. What one writer writes, another writer cannot attempt to copy. This concept isn’t just limited to creativity. We absolutely cannot copy what someone else has done, for that is their own unique path.
Those that try to sell you their carbon copy of success know it cannot work for another, for that was their way and their way alone.
You can aspire to others, you can learn from others, you can model yourself on others, but you cannot replicate others. To try and attempt this means forcing something that isn’t natural. It will be hard work and ultimately disappointing.
Therefore, the act of comparison is void. It achieves nothing, for you literally cannot be anyone but yourself.
At this point, you only need to remember what makes you so very special. It doesn’t have to be anything big; it can be small, like having a lovely smile, making people laugh or just simply being kind.
I find that making a list of all your achievements and accomplishments that you’re proud of can be hugely empowering. Imagine your life like a trek to Everest. Often, we’re so focused on reaching the top that we forget to stop, look up, and enjoy the view.
So, look up, and see how far you’ve come and how incredibly special you truly are.
Switch off and tune out
A final simple and effective way to stay in your own lane is to switch off watching the lanes beside yours.
This takes some discipline but it’s doable. All you need to do is find those cracks and crevices that you can accidentally slide into, and carefully sidestep them completely.
For me, comparing myself to other therapists and practitioners on social media is my own personal crevice that I have to hop over. I can really begin to devalue myself and all I’ve achieved when I compare myself with them.
So, I have to switch off, unfollow, delete and log out.
I also now choose to see these people as inspirational. They have worked incredibly hard to be in the position, they’re in. However, often we neglect to acknowledge the work that those we compare ourselves to have put in to be where they are.
Luck doesn’t come into it, as much as we kid ourselves it does. Success is really a beautiful combination of staying true to ourselves, following our calling, staying in our lane and hard graft.
We so easily forget, when looking at the achievements of others, how much of their lives we don’t see. We only see that carefully curated image on the surface; the pinnacle of their success. Their effort, work and commitment combined is like the iceberg under the water, it’s just not visible.
Refocus your energy back to you
In reality, there are no markers to our lanes. Life a vast playing field where you can run in any direction you choose. It’s a wonderful to dance around, observing at the lives of others and feeling inspired, motivated and encouraged.
Yet, it’s when we begin to feel doubt, discouragement and lack, that we need to make a sharp exit back to our own parameters where we can refocus our energy and creativity back into our own lives.
Remaining in a place of gratitude for all that we have is the ultimate antidote to comparison. Gratitude soothes us, like a balm to the soul, reminding us of all the good in our lives.
So, don’t forget to take the gratitude medicine daily and watch as your own life flourishes as a result.
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Carry on exploring
