4 ways to transform your life
I’ve learnt that life picks up when you pick yourself up.
Yet, ironically, when life is feeling a little hard, picking yourself up is one of the hardest things to do.
I wrote this post for those of us who swing into low moments and find it hard to pick ourselves back up. For those of us who know fully well that feeling miserable can only bring more misery, but we just can’t snap out of it. And, for those of us who know we have so much to be grateful for but there’s something that’s tipping us into this low place and we just can’t seem to snap out of it.
Life can sometimes feel like two steps forward and one step back. That’s the beauty of life; it’s one big learning curve that swings between feeling like a momentous uphill climb one moment to one glorious freewheel downhill the next.
So, I’m going to share four ways that have helped me pick myself up. Four ways that have, beautifully and divinely, lifted up life itself, inviting in a flow of good and shifting me right back into a place of feeling joyful once more.
Letting go and letting in self-love and compassion
One of the worst things we can do, when we’re feeling low, is to punish ourselves for it.
Often, we can be our harshest critics, and when life doesn’t go to plan, we mentally admonish ourselves for not doing better, not being more successful and not finding a solution.
We need to strip this self-punishment back, letting go of all guilt and shame, reminding ourselves that we are only doing our best and that our best is enough.
We can be so cruel to ourselves, especially at our lowest moments, when we need to be nothing but kind and compassionate. One of the best ways to immediately shift the energy around you is by accepting the way you’re feeling, whether it’s fearful, angry or sad, and treating yourself like you would a child.
Think of someone you love. Now think of them in your shoes, feeling the way you’re feeling. Would you tell them off, castigate them and deprive them of your love and support? No, you would tenderly and lovingly care for them, giving them the words and comfort they need most at this time.
This is not the time to push yourself harder and it is definitely not the time to abandon yourself and your needs. This is the time to bring self-love to the fore and embrace yourself with compassion.
Do whatever you need to do. For me, I need to watch feel-good films, allow myself to cry, write in my journal, walk in nature and hug my dogs. Tune in to what you need to feel supported, loved and safe, and do those things before you try and fix whatever it is that’s causing you pain.
The power of ‘yet’ to transform your thinking
Now we’ve established that it’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling and you’ve let go of the self-admonishment and invited in self-love, we can begin to pick you up and off the ground.
One of the best ways to do this is to get to the source of your unhappiness and figure out the magic key to unlock your attachment to it. Attachment to whatever it is that is causing our pain, and the lack of trust that there will ever be a release of the suffering, are the only things that keep feeding it.
I know, it’s much easier said than done, but here’s a few pointers.
If we feel we are lacking something in our lives then, in the space of wanting and wishing for it, we tend to fall further into the realisation that we don’t have it, and suffer even more so as a result. If you’re longing for something there’s a lovely word that brings me a lot of comfort, and that is ‘yet’.
When you add’ yet’ onto the end of the sentence you bring hope and belief to the thing you want being just around the corner. Try it out now with something you are wishing for, without yet and with yet, and feel how different the statement sounds. Words are magic and you can use them at any time.
If you feel stuck in an uncomfortable situation and can’t see any resolution, you just can’t see it yet. If you’re wanting to change your life in some way but you’re getting angry and frustrated that you can’t find the answer, you can’t find the answer yet.
Every thought, word and action stems from one of two things; fear or faith. Faith is trust in the evidence of things not yet seen and it’s a beautiful way to live. When we trust, we invite all possibilities in, but when we choose from fear, we close our worlds off.
You only need to trust it will come, and it will.
Seeking the silver linings in your life
Often, when we’re stuck in a state of fear, anxiety and stress around our circumstances, we only focus on the bad we can see in our lives. The problem is, the more we seek to find the negatives in our situation, the more we will find.
What we need to do is to radically swing our thinking around. To pull ourselves away from only looking for the wrong to only looking for the right. I call this, seeking the silver linings in life, because silver linings are the delicate afterthoughts that we are sometimes too careless to see.
We stomp around, making a list of all that’s disappointing us, trampling on all the beautiful, delicate silver linings which are just waiting for us to notice them. We can be so blind sometimes, but we don’t judge ourselves for it, we just take away the blinkers narrowing our vision, and open our eyes to our reality.
So, open your eyes, what are your silver linings, what feels good in your life?
There are so many examples I could give but here are a few from my life I don’t mind sharing. I’m looking for somewhere to live right now which has been causing me some grief. The silver lining is that I’m learning some amazing lessons and I’m writing more than ever, which gives me so much joy.
I’m not in a relationship right now but that’s ok too, because I have an abundance of love from my family and friends. Sometimes, life can feel a little quiet and lonely, like it can for all of us, but I see this as a beautiful opportunity to spend time on projects I’m working on and spending quality time with myself.
There’s always good, if you choose to see it, don’t let your emotional state blind you to it.
Gratitude is the most powerful force in the world, after love. So, feel grateful for what you have, even the smallest things, rather than what you don’t, and just wait for things to start shifting, because they will.
Validating your feelings and pulling yourself out of resentment
Now we know the power of self-compassion, the power of yet and the power of silver linings, there’s just one more thing I want to touch on.
It’s very easy, when we don’t feel good, to try and cover up these feelings. What I want to remind you of is that it’s ok to feel low, scared, angry or upset. These are all valid feelings and we must validate them.
Nothing is worse than sliding into a place of toxic positivity, trying to cover up how you really feel and lying to yourself that you're great and life is amazing. It’s a jump too far and puts far too much pressure on a situation that needs gentleness and patience to shift out of. But what we mustn't do is rest too long in this place.
If we stay too long, we can easily fall into a place of resentment, feeling like life is unfair and unjust. We either blame ourselves or we blame external factors for the situation we’ve found ourselves in.
Of course, sometimes things happen that we can’t control. When this happens, we only need to make a choice. We can either choose to accept a situation, change it or leave it. We always have a choice to change our thinking around something and no one can take that away from us.
If we choose to blame other people and external forces for our lives, we have become a victim and, as a result, we are effectively handing all our power away. When you feel powerless, it’s because you are giving your power to someone else.
The great news is that you can take that power back at any time.
You can pull yourself out of victimhood and back in control by changing the smallest of things; your thoughts. Once you change these, the power dynamic shifts, and you can use it as a stepping stone to pull yourself up and out, one thought, one word, one decision and one inspired-action at a time.
Life picks up when you pick yourself up. It’s all about you. You are not waiting for someone to save you or make you feel better. You are the one to save yourself and that is the most amazing, awe-inspiring and powerful part of being alive.
So go, pick yourself up, take action, see the good in your life, and witness it all transform.
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