Are fear and self-doubt clipping your wings?
Every single one of us is capable of doing anything we put our minds to. Our abilities are abundant, our possibilities are endless and our potential is limitless.
Yet we don’t.
The two reasons that are so often the cause of our limitations are fear and self-doubt. They hover out of sight, like blinkers on a horse, keeping our minds limited, rigid and narrow-focused, leaving us completely unable to see the expanse of what we could truly accomplish.
I love to write about fear and self-doubt because they are often what I’m wrestling with on a daily basis.
I am continually learning to lean into trust and love to peel the blinkers away, so I can see the truth of who I am and what I am capable of and go out into the world and do what I came here to do.
Which is exactly why I’m writing the words you’re reading now. My life is a workshop for my growth which is why I share it, in the hope it might help or inspire others on their path of growth.
Learning to fly in the currents of fear and self-doubt
One of the most frustrating things when we feel hampered by fear and self-doubt is that consciously, and rationally, we know we can do anything.
Yet it is the subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves, formed from childhood, past lives and other realities, which are the real roadblocks to us freeing ourselves from the illusion that we can’t do it.
One of my favourite ways to share how the conscious and subconscious mind works is by using the analogy of a sailing boat.
On the boat, we think we’re the ones sailing and choosing our path on the surface on the water, yet underneath, in the depths of the ocean, the currants of our subconscious programming are the ones steering the boat through the water, without us even realising it.
It’s when we have an idea of starting something new, putting ourselves out there and making an exciting decision in our lives that the blinkers of fear and self-doubt, grown in the ocean of our subconscious programming, rush in and clip our wings.
It can sound like a quiet voice on our shoulder asking us who we think we are. It can look like a rush of images of people around us laughing at us and judging our efforts. It may feel like a fear of lack, financial hardship, failure or the unknown.
And it’s not just for the big decisions in life, it also happens with the smallest decisions that happen on a day-to-day basis.
One of the consequences of these limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the fear of the unknown, which I’d add is a core human fear, is that we become stuck, quite literally, in one place.
It’s like we want to try, we want to do it so we’ve got our foot on the gas, yet when the niggles of disbelief come it we suddenly ram on the brake, meaning that we go precisely nowhere and are left feeling more trapped than ever.
This is the feeling, of being stuck, that can bring about so much frustration and anger. It’s like we know what we are capable of and how high we could fly, but it’s such a small spark of hope within us that it’s easily drowned out by the rain of our limiting beliefs which can be so dominant and overwhelming.
So, why is it that when we try to fly these negative emotions come in and spoil our fun?
Tending to the fire of our self-esteem
I once learnt that all of the world has a self-esteem problem, and nothing could really be more true. We are all learning to love ourselves, and it’s when we love ourselves that our self-esteem flourishes and shines, enabling us to do anything we set our minds to.
We’ve all seen the Hollywood films when so-and-so gets a magical transformation where she suddenly feels she’s unstoppable. Yet it’s not her external appearance that makes the change, it’s the internal perception of her appearance that creates the confidence.
True confidence comes from within, it always has, yet we tend to tie our self-belief to external cords such as the work that we do, the reactions of people around us, the likes on social media and the material possessions we own.
While it feels really good at the time, it’s these external cords which are the traps that bind our self-esteem to the world outside of us, instead of inside of us. That means that at any time those cords might be cut and we have nothing left to feed our fragile sense of worth.
Maybe we lose our job, our position, our status, our wealth, our popularity or our beauty, then we are left with very little to sustain our confidence unless we have already lit the fire within us that keeps us warm in the glow of its love.
Now is the time to start fanning the flames of that little fire inside of you, and if it feels hard and is taking too long to keep the fire alive, that’s ok, just keep going, it will be worth it in the end.
Sometimes, finding the confidence that you once lost, perhaps in a school playground, in the harsh words of your parents, in traumatic or abusive circumstances, feels like climbing a rock wall with your bare hands. It feels relentless and exhausting, and you wonder if you’ll ever reach the top, but I promise you will.
At our core we are all perfect, loved and safe. We know this at our very center. Yet, this knowing gets lost and buried in the layers of programming and conditioning of our childhood, learned limiting beliefs and other lives that still hold the frequency in our cells.
The work is in unpeeling the layers, one by one, and taking positive and inspired action on a daily basis. When we do things that scare us, even if they’re little, we slowly begin to realise that we can do it, and the fire of our self-esteem glows a little brighter.
Leaning into love and away from fear
One of the reasons why fear is so overpowering is that we live in a world conditioned by fear. We’re told constantly as children to stay safe and as adults we live in a world that infantilises us to such a degree that we have to be warned of danger wherever we go.
Watch out, they say, that coffee in your cup might be hot. Careful, they warn us, the stairs might get slippery if it rains.
Not to mention the constant stream of news, political agendas and misery that is broadcast out to us via every possible medium on a daily, and relentless basis. No wonder fear is so prevailing.
It’s also a core emotion within us, because it’s driven by our ego, which is often the monkey mind in charge of our lives, until we learn to pop it quietly in a corner and let our intuition take over the reins.
The opposite of fear is love, and really, every single decision we make is made either from love or from fear. The trick is, to start choosing love, and when we do that, even with the smallest of decisions, we can gently start to quieten the fear that can so easily get out of control and stop us from achieving our dreams.
Fear is always about the unknown, the possibilities and the future scenarios, so when we make decisions based on fear we think we’re gaining control of the future, but we’re not, we’re just digging a trench of limitations.
Again, control is a core concept of the ego, it loves it, because when it’s in control it can’t be taken by surprise. This means we can’t be hurt and we can stay safe.
Yet the world we live in is on constantly shifting sands. Change is inevitable as the rain, it always comes. When we realise that change has to come, whether we like it or not, we can find a sense of peace about the invisible path in front of us and start to walk along it, even if we can’t see where we’re going.
When we feel stuck in fear and self-doubt, fearful of moving forwards and digging our feet into the ground, change will come and blow us down anyway. We can’t stay in the same place for too long, because if we try, we’ll find that the world will move us forward whether we like it or not.
So, why not fly with the wind and see what amazing and wondrous places it might take you.
Want to receive the latest blog posts straight to your inbox? Sign up for my newsletter and you’ll also receive your FREE ‘Discover Your Fear Saboteur’ guide, the ultimate guide to identifying the fear sabotaging your potential!
