3 things to remember when you're at a crossroads in life
I’ve often said that life is one big roller coaster.
We are constantly being rocked and rolled about in this life, for nothing is as constant as change is in our lives. All of us fear it and yet it is the one thing that none of us can escape from, or are immune to.
We like things the way they are and when we’re up against a shift, a momentum or a lurch on the roller coaster ride of our lives, we tend to want to shut our eyes, squeeze the safety bar and wish ourselves out the other side of the dip, still safely buckled in, in the same place and alongside the same people we started the ride with.
Yet this often isn’t the case, and those swoops and lurches come about far more frequently than we’d like them to!
Change is uncomfortable and scary for us because it invites in the unknown. We have a deep urge, coming from our ego, to stay in control but, when we’re in the unknown, we are completely and utterly out of control. In fact, literally everything is out of our control in this life. The only control we have is how we choose to respond to events, rather than react to them.
And when we reach a crossroads in our life, not knowing which path to take and which road is safe to travel, we come up against a mountain of change that can seem really threatening and almost insurmountable.
Like all of us, I’ve been at many crossroads in my life; from choosing whether to stay or go in long-term relationships to making decisions on completely new avenues of work.
And so I also work with a lot of clients who feel that they are at some crossroads of their life too. They have big decisions to make that will take them down one of several different paths, and all of them, and myself included when I’ve been in a similar situation, look for answers as to which path to take.
So here’s my advice for when you’re at a crossroads in your life, having to make a choice, or several choices, whether they’re big ones or small. Hopefully by the end of reading this, instead of gripping the safety bar and feeling wildly out of control you’ll be feeling calmer, more inspired and in command of your roller coaster.
There is no right or wrong decision
The first thing that we all need to remember is that there are no right or wrong decisions. I learnt this freeing concept from a wonderful and well-known book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.
When we label decisions right or wrong, we automatically attach judgement and fear onto making that decision. If we make the perceived wrong one, we internally shame and punish ourselves and get stuck into the ‘I should have’ or ‘I shouldn’t have’ energy which carries a really low vibration.
Instead of attaching labels to our decisions, calling them right or wrong, or good or bad, instead they can just be decision A and decision B. Neither one is better than the other and both of them carry gifts and lessons that we can learn from, whichever decision we make.
If you find it hard to make decisions, just know that there isn’t a perfect choice. It doesn’t exist. Whatever path you choose to take will carry with it many wonderful experiences. Some will help you gain deeper wisdom and understanding of yourself and this life, and some will challenge you.
One of the most exhausting feelings is indecision. If we’re overthinkers or find it hard to trust in our decision-making ability, we can loop round and round in this tiring energy of indecision, trying to understand all the possible eventualities and outcomes, and not being able to commit to a choice.
If you’re like this too then the best thing you can do is to give yourself a break from trying to find the answer, give your mind some breathing space; switch off, lean back and let go. It may feel counterproductive to do this but this is what you must do. The answer won’t arrive in the muddy waters of the mind as it churns up the water seeking an answer. The answer will come in the inner peace and stillness when the soul can finally be heard.
So, go for a walk, take a break, hang out with your friends, spend time in nature, play with animals, bake a cake, meditate, do anything that helps your mind calm and settle.
And remember that whatever decision to take, it’s neither right nor wrong, it’s just as it’s meant to be.
Every decision that you have ever made has guided you to exactly where you are now. You are safe, you are alive and you are whole, and this is the only proof you need to know that every decision you’ve taken has led to the perfect place and time, which is the here and now. And in knowing that there is great peace indeed.
It’s time to let go of your expectations
As I mentioned above, we can hold great expectations about what we are capable of doing and what we think we should be doing. Yet, it’s these expectations that can feel like such a heavy burden over time, as we place demand after demand on ourselves to be the best we can be.
I understand we all want to do the best we possibly can so we can become the greatest versions of ourselves, but, sometimes these high expectations we hold on ourselves can be the very thing that slows us down. It’s the perfectionism and high expectations that are the key factors that slow us down because they create no room for mistakes, and in this high-pressure mindset decision-making can feel impossible.
There’s a few numbers in the Soul Contract Reading work that is all about this weight of expectations, and something that I see in everyone who has these particular energies in their charts is that they can be incredibly hard on themselves, not giving themself the grace of knowing that they’re only human and that sometimes we can’t get everything right.
This is the key difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-worth is something that many of us lack. Instead of knowing our worth from the inside out, we look for it from the outside in, attaching our worth to the things that we do and the accomplishments we achieve, rather than who we inherently are as people.
When we have healthy self-worth we know that it’s ok to make decisions that aren’t, in hindsight, always the best ones, for we know that this decision doesn’t effect our worth. It might dent our self-esteem, which is linked to our performance and achievements, but our self-esteem can easily take a hit, whereas our self-worth is far more vulnerable and needs nurturing and love at all costs.
When we pause for a moment we realise that there is no one marking us, testing us or judging us, but ourselves. Whilst we grew up in a society that marked our worth through exams, interviews and competitions, we don’t have to continue this into adulthood.
The truth is, we are all inherently worthy, just by being alive. We do not need to prove our worth to anyone. Not to our parents, not to society and certainly not to ourselves.
So, where can you be a little more compassionate with yourself as you stand at the crossroads of a decision? Can you see what expectations have been weighing you down, and who put them there, so you can you gently place them down and give your weary shoulders a rest?
You can lean into trust and joy
While we know that change can be really scary, especially when we’re at a crossroads of making a major change in our life by taking a different path, it can also be really exciting.
The problem is, when we’re stuck in fear and paraylsed by indecision, the joy and excitement of starting something new and embarking on a new adventure can completely pass us by.
One of the lovely things I’ve come to realise about this life is that fear is always a doorway of invitation that holds great rewards, if we have the courage to pass through it. It stands there, inviting us to walk through, and we have the choice to do just that or to skirt around, getting stuck on one side and unable to move forwards in our life.
When this happens, it’s almost as if we become trapped in a waiting room and things in our life slow down as we get held up in this stagnant energy, dragging our heels and not wanting to step through the door. We get stuck because of the fear of the unknown, how we’ll be able to cope, tangled up in the ‘what if’s’ and letting our imaginations run wildly out of control.
And whilst all of this is happening the door is there waiting for us, inviting us to turn the handle and explore what’s on the other side.
Yet, this takes a huge amount of trust, for trust is having faith in the unseen and unknown, and it can feel very hard for some of us to do when we feel life has let us down before. We feel threatened that life could let us down again or trick us into making a decision that doesn’t benefit us at all.
When we struggle to trust that we’ll be safely caught on the other side of the door, it is an invitation for us to explore the mistrust that we hold in our hearts. Who has let us down in the past and how can we begin to move past that?
What are the memories, stress and trauma that are held within your cellular memory and how can you gently and lovingly begin to heal them and let go of the past so that you can move into our future - this is the question that can slowly but surely begin to take you out of the vibration of fear and into the energy of joy, excitement and expansion.
And, if you feel like you made a ‘bad’ decision in the past, and find it hard to make another decision, just know that the decision you made will have given you greatest learnings and gifts, moulding you into who you are and taking you to this perfect moment in time, which is the here and now.
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