Are you overstretching into overwhelm?
I recently experienced an inwards collapse.
Thinking I had life under control, I quite literally snapped, collapsing in on myself when the strain of being pulled in too many directions became too much for me to handle.
When we overstretch ourselves, trying to be too much at the same time, the fabric of our being becomes weak and full of gaping holes.
Like dough that we’ve rolled to thin, the more we try to do, the bigger those holes become. The more holes that appear, the more we try to carry on and prove ourselves to be resilient and strong. The more we try to prove ourselves, the more overstretched we become.
And, when we stretch ourselves too far, overwhelm sneaks its way in and causes havoc.
It’s a vicious cycle and one that feels necessary to highlight, not just because of my own experience, but because this is something I see in all of my clients too.
Living in beautiful denial
As it often happens, I thought I was managing everything ok until my phone broke, pushing me over the edge and snapping all the tendons stretching me to the far corners.
Like setting jelly that no longer has a mould, I felt like my container had broken and I no longer had anything to grip onto.
It sounds trivial but nowadays phones are the epicentres of our command operations, and without mine I felt lost and completely unmoored.
My phone made it just about possible to keep stretching outwards, allowing me to multitask and manage all the separate projects and plans in my life. So, when it was no longer there, my life lost its central navigation system and everything collapsed in on itself.
Hence, feeling like jello.
In this state my overwhelm finally had the space to rise up and make itself known.
Like most emotions, until we create space for them to come into awareness, we’re often deeply unconscious as to why we’re feeling a particular way. The emotions run us rather than us running them.
And, the crafty thing about overwhelm is that we don’t really realise we’re in that state until we’ve come out of it. Not only that, but the very feeling of being ‘busy’ is so normalised that it’s no wonder overwhelm hides in plain sight.
After all, society has actively conditioned us to strive, push and juggle, to our complete and utter detriment and abandonment.
It’s the very pace at which we speed through our lives, being urged on to want more and more, faster and faster, that leaves us so vulnerable for overwhelm to sneak in and take root.
I hadn’t realised quite how overstretched I was until I actually wrote down all the different things I was trying to do and achieve, realising that I had fallen hook, line and sinker into the trap of ‘having it all.’
You can have it all, they said
In our society we’re told we can do everything and be everything we want to be.
This can be wonderfully liberating and deeply damaging at the same time because it’s easy to fall into a state of guilt for not ‘making the most of life’, especially after the car crash of the last three years when our freedom was so deviously curtailed.
What makes it worse is the ease in which we can so readily compare ourselves and our lives to those around us, from peers to strangers, and misguidedly feeling ourselves lacking in so many ways.
We berate ourselves, thinking ‘I should be doing more’, ‘I should be working harder’, ‘I should be more successful’ and ‘I should be more like them’ when we’re actually already doing enough. We are already enough. Some drive is healthy but we always need to question the motive.
Are we reaching for more because we don’t feel enough as we are? What are we seeking externally that deep down we crave to fulfil us from within? Who’s highlight reel are we comparing ourself to?
When we believe that we need to do more to feel seen, worthy or accepted, we spread ourselves too thin, losing ourselves in the process and becoming vulnerable to illness, stress and low self-esteem. It’s the ultimate cryptonite for people-pleasers.
I know I’m not alone in this feeling, most people I speak to are managing multiple aspects of their lives and stretching to every corner of life, feeling like they have no choice.
In this state it can be a very slippery slope to where we start to thrive off the stress, feeling powerful at how much we can handle, how competent we are. We wear the badge of “look at me, I’m so busy” with such pride and a side of smugness.
Yet, this feeling is nothing more than an ego programme that took root at a very young age from our parents, from our schools, from our society, and has been continually reinforced the older we get.
This messaging tells us that stress is good, being busy is a sign of success, money is the only goal and winning is the most important thing.
The misguided notion of resting
It’s this hustle, have-it-all-now culture that creates a boiling point of pressure that is just unsustainable to exist in without adequate amounts of rest and self-reflection.
Yet, how many of us feel guilty for resting?
I put my hands up and admit that I find it hard to relax. I always think I need to be doing something or stretching myself further. Hence, why I pulled myself into too many directions and snapped into a big pile of jelly.
When we’re busy we’re often blind to how we’re really feeling because we don’t take any time to be still and self-reflect. It stops us from connecting with ourselves and allowing us to really listen to what we need.
This is yet another ego programme rooted in the idea that it’s selfish and self-indulgent to have time to yourself.
We’re told to ‘get on with it’ and to cram our lives until we get to the point where sitting with ourselves in silence and allowing the emotions to rise up becomes so alien and uncomfortable that we do anything to avoid this.
Avoidance can be deeply ingrained, leading to addictions to numb the pain of those emotions completely, or it can be on a more subtle level such as netflix bingeing, snacking, over-exercising, socialising or anything that distracts or disengages us.
There’s nothing wrong with doing these things but only you know what you’re trying to avoid through what you fill your days with.
Heed the subtle signs to slow down
When we finally realise how much we’ve been juggling and understand why our inner drive keeps pushing us to do more and more, we can finally land in a place of compassion for ourselves.
We can finally remember that we can’t do it all, no one can, despite appearances, and that’s ok.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed try doing these three things and remember that you just need to stop before something forces you to. For me it was losing my phone but it could be, and often is, an injury or illness that will emerge to stop you and slow you down.
When you do this, your mind will be panicking, telling you that it’s not safe to stop, you don’t have time and that you haven’t worked hard enough to deserve to stop.
Your body will also be in fight or flight and highly resistant to the idea of stopping and relaxing as it won’t have the strength to get going again.
But when you do, be prepared for the emotions and really feel them as they come up. Feel into where you’re stretching yourself and make yourself confront it and the motives behind it.
Then gently allow yourself to accept it, embrace it and release it. Only then, can you begin pulling yourself back to your centre.
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