I often see clients right at the time when the burdens they’re carrying have become unbearably heavy. My treatment room is where they can put them down, breathe, and find clarity.

We all carry emotional stress around with us, no one in this life can escape it. However, it’s when it reaches that point where it threatens to smother us with its weight, that we have to reach out for help.

The problem is, when we’re so deeply entrenched in our stressful states, we try to carry on as normal. It’s almost as if we are unconsciously pushing the pain, fear and stress deep down within us, pasting on a smile to the outside world, to hide it from ourselves and from others.

It’s an autopilot setting we activate so we can get by, and we stay in this clenched state, unaware of the true depth of our emotional turmoil, until the smallest thing sets it all off, causing us to unravel.

It’s this unravelling that we try so hard to avoid.

Signs of emotional stress

While we may not be conscious of deep emotional stress, there are certain signs to watch out for; refusing to talk about our fears and concerns, keeping busy and occupied at all times, feeling on the verge of tears, feeling low for no apparent reason, isolating from friends and family, and so many more.

All sorts of symptoms may also suddenly appear. This is the innate intelligence within us that’s trying to flag our attention that something isn’t right. It might be a persistent cough, sudden aches and pains in knees, backs or hips, skin rashes, headaches or an upset stomach.

Imagine emotional stress like a liquid that’s filling a bottle to the brim. The more we fit in, the more the pressure builds, until tiny little holes begin sprouting all over the bottle and liquid starts to leak over the top, sort of like our tears.

Tears are squeezed out when there’s nowhere left for the emotional stress to go, it has no choice but to come out through our eyes.

Losing our perspective and ourselves

When we’re stuck deep in emotional stress, whether we’re really conscious of it or not, it becomes very hard to gain perspective. We can’t see the wood through the trees. We can’t see any resolution or light at the end of the tunnel because it all feels too overwhelming and too unmanageable.

What I like to remind people of is that the only reason we find it too overwhelming and unmanageable is because we don’t feel strong, powerful and confident to handle it.

It all comes down to how much we can carry, so when we reach a point where it’s too much, we only need to lighten the load to feel relief and clairty. Once we start letting go of all the worries we’ve been burying inside of us they lose their power over us, we are able to stand up straight and take some big, deep breaths and see them for what they are: managable.

Emotional stress can really only be characterised into past, present and future stress, and for most people, it’s the future ‘what if’ fears which are the most unbearable.

Our minds zoom off into a future that seems fearful and bleak because we don’t have the emotional capacity to imagine anything better. When we feel low, tired and drained from the worries we’ve been saddling around, we’re not in the right mindset to imagine anything better.

This is why, when it all feels like too much, we need to remember these 5 simple things.

Remember: it’s all temporary

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt now. It just means that everything that we’ve ever experienced in our lives that has caused us stress has been and gone. Whether it’s an exam, an interview, moving job, moving house, starting something new, letting go of someone, leaving somewhere, being left behind, we’ve done it all before.

This is just a moment of time and it’s only temporary. You won’t feel like this forever. There is always hope, that is a fire within us that never goes out. Life is full of the unexpected, whether it’s miracles, help when we least anticipate it or a sudden solution. We need to remain in a mindset of hope over hopelessness because what we vibrate at brings only more of that towards us.

A helpful phrase I use on myself often is; “even though, life is tough right now, and I’m feeling overwhelmed, I know now that it can get better and miracles are just around the corner”.

Don’t forget: be so kind to yourself

When we’re in a period of turmoil we need extra love and support, from those around us but most importantly from ourselves. It’s radical self-care but on another level. Don’t put the pressure on yourself to perform and get everything right, that’s too much for anyone to handle, let alone in stressful times. What we need to find in times like this, is balance.

I’ve been going through a tough time recently and this is what I wrote out for myself; “you are doing so well. I know there’s a lot happening that’s terrifying and scary all at once, but it will all slot into place, you’ll see, it’s all ok, it’s all happening as it’s meant to. Deep breath, stay calm, you’re ok. You are so loved and supported and you’re doing so, so well. I love you, never forget.”

Talk to yourself like you would to your child. Mother yourself like you’d care for that person you love most in the world.

Try this: take it one day at a time

You won’t have all the answers right now. The mind, when stuck in the sympathetic state of stress, is quite literally incapable of forward thinking and problem solving. You are not in the right frame of mind to come up with solutions right, so ease off.

This is when it becomes important to live day by day to avoid our minds reeling into future scenarios which can scare us into a further state of panic and overwhelm. Knowing and trusting it will get better is hard to do but you will begin to feel so much lighter when you do.

Most importantly, don’t think about next week, next month or next year, think about right now. Ground yourself into today and ask yourself if you’re safe, if the answer is yes then you’ll be ok, that’s all that matters right now, everything else will work itself out.

How about: talking it through

When we’re deeply overwhelmed, we have no perspective, no clarity and no sense of reasoning. It’s when the burdens of life feel too suffocating that we forget to put them down for a moment, breathe and observe them. And sometimes, it’s helpful to have another person next to us, also looking at those burdens, and helping us figure out how to break them down.

It’s very common to see our own problems through a lens of shame and guilt. Shame that we’re not coping and guilt that we have so much to be thankful for but we just can’t see it that way. While it’s tempting to carry our stress alone due to feeling this way, that’s not going to help, and those who truly care for you, whether it’s family, friends or professionals, will never judge you for it.

Most importantly: see the silver linings

If life was easy, everyone would be doing it well. But it’s not, it’s damn hard. Trust me when I say, everyone has worries, fears, stresses and burdens that they carry around. No one is immune to life and all of its ups and downs.

Under pressure, coal becomes a diamond, which is something I love to remember when times feel too hard. While life can unfairly throw us tragedy, hardships, loss and pain, it is these things that shape us.

This is not ‘looking on the bright side’, this is witnessing the raw parts of you and getting to know who you really are and what you’re capable of. You are only thrown what you can handle so take heart, stay courageous, and know that you are exactly where you’re meant to be. 

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Carry on exploring